Breath of Life Testimony: Mary

I married young, had two beautiful daughters, and by the time I was 28 years old, my husband wanted a divorce. This caught me by surprise, and needless to say, it changed my live radically. I thought I was a good person, a good wife, and a good mother and could not understand why this was happening to me. The despair of divorce and feeling sorry for myself led to a very hedonistic lifestyle. On weekends, I would leave my daughters with my mother and party all night long, drinking and smoking, along with loose moral behavior. It the middle of this emptiness and chaos, God found me. When I was 34, through hearing the preaching of the Word of God while visiting a church, I gave my life to Christ and truly repented of all my sins. I gave up the partying, the drinking and the loose behavior; I surrendered all, except the cigarettes. At this point in my life I was saved, but there was no distinguishable change in me. I was extremely angry with my ex-husband, which I thought had done something that was beyond forgiveness. I started attending church and sent my daughters to Christian school. And the years went by. From an outward appearance I was doing all the right things; I was attending church, going to Bible studies, tithing and behaving like a "good" Christian woman. On the outside I looked happy, but on the inside the anger grew and my addiction to nicotine grew even more. No one in church knew that I was a smoker because I would hide to smoke. I was a fraud, and I continued to feel empty. During this time, my spiritual life was barren. I knew there was no evidence of any the gifts of the Spirit in my life, but I honestly thought it was not my fault and eventually God would give one or two. I was in the wilderness, but I had gotten so used to it that I liked it there. But... through the cleansing power of the Word of God, I began to see that I wanted God to forgive me but I was unwilling to forgive others, and I had all this anger and hatred in my soul. Little by little the healing process began, and God mended my heart. I was able to let go of the anger and hate, and I was able to forgive my ex-husband. God blessed me immensely through the years. My daughters married godly men and are walking with the Lord. I have beautiful grandchildren and a wonderful church family, however the smoking continued. I deceived myself saying that smoking was not a sin, that I had the right to smoke, because smoking was my only comfort, my companion; however I did not understand why I felt so guilty, why was I was hiding and denying and lying about my smoking? My soul really felt very heavy until one day, in God's perfect timing, I found Setting Captives Free and a few things happened. 1) I recognized that smoking is a sin - it is like idolatry. 2) I repented, confessed my sin, and brought it to the light for every one to see 3) I got rid of all cigarettes 4) Through prayers, with my accountability partners (my daughters), my mentor, Tonya Price, and the power of the Holy Spirit, God gave me victory over nicotine addition. Now I can shout from the mountaintop that I am free, I am keeping step with the Holy Spirit, and I have never been so joyful in my life. My life is fruitful, but most importantly, the fruit of self-control in manifested in me and even though I have been saved for many years, for the first time I am living a live that truly glorifies God.