Door of Hope Testimony: Christian

My mentor for this course was Philip Clark.
I became a born-again believer at the age of 16. I had a genuine conversion experience. Nevertheless for the following 18 years I did not give up my homosexuality, self-gratifying and pornography. I lived a double-life of hypocrisy and deceit. Pretending to be a committed and devout Christian on one side and yet also pursuing homosexuality and the lusts of my flesh on the other. My life was an almost continuous cycle of sinning, repenting, backsliding, sinning...and so forth. Finally I came to the end of myself and almost lost my mind because I sank ever deeper into sin and perversion. I lost all hope and assurance of salvation and after 18 years of trying to serve both God and my sinful desires I finally came to the point where I knew I had to choose between a life that honours the Lord and a life that pleases only myself. By the grace of God I can say that I am truly and really free from the sins of homosexuality, self-gratification and pornography today. There are still many other areas in my life that still need changing but the Lord continues to work in my life. I am at a point now where I am actually repulsed at the things that I once lusted after with such powerful desire. God was immensely patient with me for not giving up on me even though I consciously and deliberately rebelled against His will for so many years. Were it not for grace there would be no hope for me at all. I was a miserable religious sinner but God saved me once again from the pit I wallowed in and I am definitely a different person today than I used to be. I thank God for his patience, mercy, forgiveness and love that covers the multitude of all the terrible things I have done.