Door of Hope Testimony: Thomas

Mentor: Julio Canas

A year ago, there was not a lot of truth in my life. There were a lot of lies I believed, and a lot of lies I was telling, things I was hiding from others. I was very ashamed of a lot of things about myself, so I kept them concealed. I didn't let anyone in on the real me, even my closest friends and family. Isolating myself in my college apartment, playing video games upwards of 10 hours a day, not putting any effort into classes or future career... I had grown up "churched", but I knew my life was not centered around God; the way I lived my life and spent my time was evidence of that. My deepest secret was that I had been in total bondage to homosexual lust and pornography for the past eight years. Life seemed dark, hopeless. The idea of suicide was constantly toyed with. I was very broken. I cried out to God, but I didn't know what to say.

Next school semester God gave me the courage to step out of my comfort zone and get involved with a small Christian group on campus. I started spending time with people who were serious and authentic about their faith in God. I started praying and reading and studying the Bible for the first time. It was great, but I still struggled just as hard with the same habits. Then I went to a weekend retreat, and really caught a glimpse there of what it meant to live for God. At the retreat, there was a short talk for men on sexual purity. I was surprised to see the topic openly talked about, and totally shocked to find out that the majority of the Christian guys sitting in the room also struggled with pornography.

I left that retreat fired up about living for God. I didn't want that feeling to fade. Over the next few weeks I really broke down and pleaded with God to help me to live for Him. I didn't know exactly what that meant, but I knew that the lust and porn were not part of it. I slowly built up the courage to confess my struggle with pornography to my small men's bible study. Out of that one of them encouraged me to work through an online bible study called Setting Captives Free. I started spending every morning poring over the day's lesson and the bible. I realized a lot of habits small and large that I needed to change if I wanted to win this fight, as well as people I needed to be open and vulnerable with. These were hard things to do, but necessary and totally worth it.

I've had victory over this sin in my life for ten months now, and it's been the most awesome time of my life. There have been lots of challenges, but it's been amazing to see how God uses those to mold me, and the way He's been able to use me in others' lives. God continues to astound me with His faithfulness and love. I truly am a captive set free.