Door of Hope Testimony: Tyler

For most of my life I kept my homosexual feelings hidden from the world and I was consumed with guilt and shame. I had homosexual feelings from a very early age, so it was a constant struggle for me to accept that homosexuality was wrong. Throughout this course, I realized that I was really trying to fulfill a need for acceptance from males, which my dad had never fulfilled for me. Growing up, I went to a boring church and my family rarely talked about faith or prayed together, so faith was boring and useless to me. I knew about God most of my life, but I did not start to have a transforming relationship with Him until my junior year of college. God eventually brought me to repentance when I heard someone speak about sexual addiction and talked about homosexuality. This was the first time in my life that I had heard of another Christian man struggling with homosexuality, and it was a huge relief for me. My favorite analogy for this process of confession is this...once God came into my life, I learned how to put a band-aid over the wound that homosexuality had caused. It was healing a little bit, but you know how sometimes that band-aid makes the wound too wet, and you have to rip that band-aid off and maybe even get stitches (which hurts), in order for it to heal properly? The confession process was very painful and humbling, but extremely necessary and healthy. It was at that point that I was completely broken before God and realized that I could do nothing to save myself...I realized at that point that I needed a Savior. Once I confessed to others, I brought that little hidden, secret part of me and acknowledged that it was a part of me. It was a painful process, but it was very necessary to fully dealing with my past. I like to refer to the Setting Captives Free course as my 'battle training'. This course taught me how to put on the Armor of God (Eph. 6:10-18) in the midst of temptation that I am going to continue facing for the rest of my life. I realized just how fully dependent I am on God. For most of my life I just wanted to be 'normal', and I was trying to control my behavior and battle my own flesh and blood...which always failed miserably. This course taught me how to fight this battle while being fully dependent on God to fight the battle on the spiritual realm. Through all of this, I have been amazed at the complete transformation that God has done within me- I truly am a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come! I am so thankful for that every day! I realized just how much Satan had blinded me to God's grace and was trapping me in a world of guilt and shame. Once those chains are broken and the armor of God is put on, there is nothing Satan can do. I am so humbled and thankful for what God has done in my life. Setting Captives Free presented truth to me, and getting into God's word and examining it for myself is what convicted me of my sin and eventually led to true, genuine repentance. Since God has granted me genuine repentance, I am able to walk in freedom and victory, keeping my eyes focused on Him. All glory, honor, and power to Him! Amen!