Door of Hope Testimony:

Like a great majority of men struggling with same sex attraction (ssa), I, too, missed out on an important part of growing up: identifying with the man God made me. I have always had an artistic bent, was lousy at sports, expressive, etc. Then adolescence came and along with the confusion came two suicide attempts and eight years of living a secret gay lifestyle. But I was never happy. I haven't recalled meeting very many joyful homosexuals within the years of my rebellion. And rebellion it was, for I was raised in a Christian family and had accepted the Lord at an early age.

The guilt got to me as did the desires to lead a normal life. I wanted to be the man of God I knew He wanted me to be. I got married to a wonderful girl early on in my eight year rebellion, but kept my gay lifestyle secret from her, going out occasionally and acting on my sinful desires.

My story doesn't have a great climax, but after eight years of living a secret homosexual life, drinking, and dabbling in major drugs, the Lord grabbed ahold of my life. My wife and I were separated at the time, and the Lord told me to go home. I did, and although it has been painful for my wife to hear of my past, she has forgiven me and we are moving on as a couple, dedicated to each other and the Lord.

After a few months home we learned I was HIV postive. Devastating yes, but it would have been worse had I died without the Lord in my life. Even though my wife and I were scared, we continued on, and now, four years later, I am healthy, my wife is not infected with the virus, we have one son, and another one on the way.

The feelings I had for men have diminished tremendously. I still struggle at times, but the Lord has held me close and I do my best to stay in Him on a daily basis so I can avoid Satan's attacks. The Lord wants to do the same for you!