Door of Hope Testimony:

My sexual interest in other boys began around age eight after being molested by my babysitters two brothers for a period of several years. From then on I had a sexual curiosity toward boys that increased, even though it included little more than fondling. From college on I became involved in all kinds of homosexual activities, longing for affirmation from males that seemed to come only from fleeting sex. Soon I was involved in sexual behaviors that I'd never considered doing before.

Its kind of ironic that while I was becoming more promiscuous, I met a girl who I told about my homosexuality. Though she was surprised, she felt it was the result of my loneliness. As I was drawn to her, I thought that marriage might be a "cure. The sexual union with my wife was wonderful but the homosexual activity increased and was unrestrained. After thirteen years of cheating on my wife with men, divorce seemed to be the only way to quit living a lie and give in to my passions. I wanted more time to explore the lifestyle. It appeared to be my identity after all.

After that I moved and absorbed myself in pornography, met guys, went to gay bars, attended a gay church group, and shared an apartment with a gay friend. My circle of friends became almost entirely homosexual. Sex was the center of my life. I was addicted to the hollow words of "I love you" and the fleeting pleasures of "one-night stands." At the same time I realized how out of control my life was becoming. I had begun to ask myself, "What's so gay about being gay?"

In desperation and in tears one night, I cried out, "God, You've got to do something with my life." And He did just that. For a moment I was overwhelmed by all my sin - toward my family, but most of all, toward God. But just as quickly there was a sense of peace and forgiveness from a loving Savior - Jesus. My life changed abruptly. That very night I destroyed all my pornography and God provided a way for me to move out of the apartment I shared with a homosexual friend. I started attending church and had a real hunger for Gods Word. All desire to frequent any of my old haunts disappeared. There was victory over masturbation for a period of six months or more. For over a year I felt I'd been completely healed. The temptations had disappeared.

But then there was a job layoff, several moves and more job changes. I was lonely and I began giving in to sexual temptations. Then I met a guy at a church support group. We had a lot in common: both Christians, had been married and divorced, each had two kids and we'd both been in the military (and he still was). But we also learned that each of us was struggling with homosexuality. And that soon resulted in our giving into our fleshly desires. Every time we got together we indulged our flesh. Our passions grew. Even when miles separated us, we had become long-distance lovers. And we shared our fantasies by phone.

About three months ago my friend called to tell me of a sexual exploit he'd had with a guy that he'd known for sometime. He told me about a new sexual behavior he had tried and his call only inflamed my fantasies as I looked forward to his vacation he would soon be spending with me. But I also thought about how depraved our progression of lust had become. At times my passions had almost scared me. About a week after his call I checked out a website that I'd heard about in a chat room called, Setting Captives Free and I enrolled in the Door of Hope course. It was really convicting but gave me hope for healing. And I sent an e-mail to my friend telling him about it.

It felt good to suddenly have someone to be accountable to for my behavior. Still, I didn't hold much hope for victory against indulging my flesh with my buddy. But on our first evening together we prayed and read some Scripture verses, listened to Christian music and played some table games while we talked. He spent two nights and three days with me and even though we hugged before we went to our separate bedrooms, I didnt become aroused at all during his stay.

When he left for home I felt like dancing. I felt pure. The enemy of my soul had been defeated. I didnt have to confess any sin or even sexual fantasies. This was the first time in twelve years that my friend and I didnt indulge in homosexual activity. And he started taking the course too. At this point, thanks to the grace of God, I've had over a hundred days of freedom and my friend has had close to 90 days.

What happened? The power of God was at work in both our lives. Ever since starting this course I felt it was bathed in prayer. And the daily accountability, prayers and encouragement from my mentor has been that "cord of two" that has helped me to stand. All my years of counseling never achieved what the work of God has done in me through these past sixty days in DOH.

God wants us straying souls to return to His waiting arms. In the words of Jesus; "He has anointed Me to preach deliverance to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed" (Luke 4:18 NKJ)