Door of Hope Testimony:

"Such were some of you" I am glad for that promise that God has changed me! For so long I gave up the hope that I would ever change. I was gay; I repeated that to myself over and over. I started to believe it. I didn't want to believe it, but how else could I explain the way I was feeling. I fought these feelings by myself for many years. I was having much trouble reconciling my faith and my feelings. These feelings are so strong; God must have made me this way. I started becoming more and more angry at and distant from God. So very close to walking away from God and completely pursuing my feelings. God had other plans for me.

For as long as I can remember I had feelings of being different from others. When I was a young child I was the smallest and always felt left out; when I was a young man I could not relate to other guys; when I was a man I never felt like one. What kind of man would struggle the way I do? For years I struggled with homosexual temptations. Then God got a hold of me, but I still rebelled. I lead a double life. Going to church - then getting deeper and deeper into my homosexual lie. About four years ago I decided that this was the way it was going to be - I was gay. I started to turn my back on God. I was getting tired of the double life and constant turmoil in my life. I was going to turn my back on God and admit that I was gay. This turmoil lasted for quite some time. I was meeting more and more people who helped me follow and believe the lie.

Finally a few years back I admitted to a brother at church of my struggles. God used that altar time to begin a long healing process that continues to this day. But still I continued to fall back, wanting so much to continue in my sin - it was so ingrained in me. I believed in the lie that this is the way I was. Again I was in turmoil and wanting to turn from God. I was so close to giving up and walking away from God. I was in a desperate situation.

When I found my way to the Door of Hope course I was still in my desperate situation. The Door of Hope course opened up the Word of God to me like never before. The Word of God shed light on my dark struggles. Never before had I seen the power of the Word of God so clearly. I finally became broken before God and realized that I was nothing without God. "He has delivered us from such deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us". I listen to a song by Jason Upton with the line - "I don't know what to do but my eyes are upon You" This is the way I want to live - totally focused on Him who has delivered me.