Door of Hope Testimony: Dick Davis

I was very angry as a youngster, experiencing a lot of rejection from my father. I believe this set the stage for my homosexual behavior as I grew older. Of course I acknowledge that my own heart led me in the direction of sin, yet my experiences as a youngster were big contributing factors.

My first recollection of same sex attraction was in the first grade of school, toward an older boy. A couple of years later, when I met another older boy I admired, I began fantasizing. When I was 10 years old, we moved from the country into a small town and then I began sinning sexually with other guys, some older, some my own age, some younger. At the age of 12, I began masturbating and from then on, it was non-stop with one person after another, even though at the same age, I gave my heart to the Lord.

At the age of 14, I entered a Christian boarding high school and soon began sinning with another male student, carrying on a long term "relationship" throughout the year. At the age of 17, I entered the US Air Force but was able to curb my appetite until I came home on leave and then "I made up for lost time." I was just shy of my 21st birthday when I got out of the service, and took up homosexuality again.

Over the years, I had a few long-term "relationships", but for the most part, they were one-time events - the parks, public restrooms, etc. I tried the "adult" movie houses, but they did not appeal to me. In time, nothing appealed to me, but I could not stop these powerful urges within, so I went back to the slop - time and time again - even after I married a woman and had children. I wanted to quit, but could not! I was in the pitch black of darkness and could not find the door.

In 1997, I went to a Promise Keepers convention and had a renewal in my spirit with the Lord. I promised Him that I would walk away from my homosexual behavior, and I pretty well kept my promise. However, I could not stop the intense cravings in my heart , the craving that said, "Take care of me! Feed me!" Even though I did not openly sin with others, I continued to fantasize and masturbate. With all that was within me, I could not shake those two escalating enemies of my soul. I tried, but could not quit on my own!

Then I hit the skids! I stumbled onto male pornography on the internet and could not break myself loose from it. I began to feel myself slipping into a pit that I knew I would not be able to climb out of. I thought of finding a guy "for just one last time." I wanted it, yet I did not want it. I was praying, "Lord, help me!", but I kept feeling a magnet pulling me downward into the miry quicksand and deeper dungeons of slavery.

Then, by the grace of God, a friend who has a weekly email ministry, mentioned "Setting Captives Free." I knew that was me - a captive to homosexuality , encased in a prison of darkness that I could not climb out of, chained, where there seemed to be no door.

I decided to log on. I read down the list of courses. They all sounded good. But, then there was "The Door of Hope", and that's what I needed - hope! I open the door and peaked inside. There was Living Water, there was grace; there was no condemnation; there was a battle plan; there was peace; there WAS hope! - and that's what I needed.

From the very first day, I knew this was what I'd been searching for, even though I'd tried many other "programs." I knew that this one was "do or die" for me. Inside The Door of Hope, I found the forgiveness of God as I totally surrendered my life to Him; I found what I needed to replace the old man within; I found freedom and victory, peace and happiness, joy unspeakable; I found a deeper relationship than I could have ever dreamed possible.

The Lord not only brought me out of my homosexual behavior, but He took away all the pain of my childhood, all of my rejection from my father and from others. He has given me a new song to sing, a song of victory and freedom. I am now walking in freedom, a freed slave, and I owe it all to the Lord and to The Door of Hope for Setting (this) Captive Free!

Now, I must tell others!