Door of Hope Testimony:

I am married and have two sons. I was raised in a Christian home and grew up being involved in my church. At the age of 9, I asked Jesus to come into my heart and became a Christian.

I have felt different as a boy and a man for as long as I can remember. As a young boy, I was very rambunctious and not extremely athletic. This caused me to have a distant relationship with my dad, a former coach, who was uncomfortable with me as a child. I grew up with very little sense of self-worth as a boy or man. I withdrew to myself away from sports since I felt I could not compete on the same level.

At the age of about 12, an older male cousin introduced me to sex in a less than appropriate way. Because I had very little self confidence and already felt inferior to other guys, I perverted that knowledge and began to see other men as sex objects through whom I could get the affection and love that I wanted as I sought to gain the approval of other men that I had never received before. Although I knew I was saved, I still desired to be accepted by other males and thus felt very frustrated with my life.

I did not begin to act out with other men until my last year in college. I got married after graduated from college and I did not act out for several years, but then the same pattern returned. I continued acting out for years. After the internet became available, I began to delve into porn and spent less time acting out with other men due to my fears of being found out. I professed to be living as a Christian and attended church with my wife while all the time acting out on a regular basis in secret.

As I reached my early 40's I began to get desperate and started praying for God to set me free. I had periods of temporary freedom and each time made a new commitment to God to leave the old life of homosexual practices and sin behind, only to fall again at some later date. This continued until God brought me to the point that I did not think I could go on with my life as it had been. I knew something had to change. I had thought of ending it all by suicide or divorcing my wife but could not bear the thought of my wife having to raise our children alone. Finally, God brought me to my knees and I knew I could not go on.

As this brokeness began to occur, God showed me that he was the only way I would ever be free from this sin of Homosexuality and at peace with him and my life. About the same time that happened, God led me to Setting Captives Free on the internet from another site of ex-Gays where I had been looking for help. I enrolled in the Door of Hope course and prayed for God to do his work. He allowed me to become completely broken to the point of crying every night and feeling horrible pain everyday for several weeks. At some point in that process, he allowed me to experience true repentance and I turned all of my sin and everything in my life back over to him. He showed my that I needed to confess my sins to others and I did to my wife, my pastor, my mentor and my men's group leader. I also made a public rededication of my life in my church.

I committed to continue through the Door of Hope course and also began attending an Exodus men's group in my city. I have been active in my church and received great support from my pastor. I walked through the SCF Door of Hope course with the encouragement and prayer support of my Godly mentor who also was my counselor, accountability partner and friend. His unconditional love and support encouraged me in my walk and gave me the commitment to seek God out when I didn't think I could find him. During the course, I was finally able to walk in purity before God and to feel his power and presence in my life. It was during this process that God set me free from being bound by homosexual sin.

God is now working to rebuild me as the man he always intended me to be. He is teaching me to walk with him each day and to seek the love, affirmation and support that I need as a man from him. He has comforted my heart and I am beginning to feel his affirmation for me as a man for the first time in my life. He is not finished with me yet. I am still tempted at times and have to consciously redirect my thoughts and pray for strength daily, but he has set me free from habitual sin. He is giving me a new heart for my wife, my children and other men who are bound by the same chains that held me so tightly for so long. I hope and pray that he will use me in his work to share the freedom and love that I have found in him with others.

Pulled from the Dungeon