New Wine Testimony: patricia

My name is Patricia and my mentor was Theresa, First off let me start out by saying that no matter if you grew up in church all your life or you started church in later years. It does not matter we all at some time or another fall prey to the Evil one. In my case I grew up in church, I graduated from a Christian school, I went on to Bible college for two years. But I was not happy, I was not fulfilled I had a lot of pain that was hidden, a lot of scares that only the Lord and I knew. But I kept going I kept playing the Church thing with out meaning, I married a guy from college for all the wrong reason. But I believe this guy needed me for a season, had three great children and was so busy raising them and taking care of a sick husband, that the pain and scares that I carried didn't matter. Than one day it didn't matter anymore, I lost who I was in Christ or I never knew who I really was in Christ. I didn't have a good realationship with him nor my Husband. We decided together that we needed to be a part, that was when my life started taking a spiral down fast. I felt like a failure, like I was not loved AGAIN, that it was just another person in my life that walked out of my life. I was hurt, because I gave my self and lost myself for 15 years in that relationship. I told myself that I was unloveable, he made it known to me that I was. So I continued in church, leading this and singing in the choir, and growing closer to the Pastor and Wife, only to be serverly damaged by a choice that he made that destoryed my faith in him and the Lord, so down hill I continued fast. That was the point in my life when I could not take anymore pain, I was angry with God and turned my back on church and friends. I started drinking to dull some of the pain, I had never know that my pain was so great that I would not be able to stop drinking. One drink became two, than became three than one bottle, two bottles, keep going everynight till I got the spins, felt sick, but was still able to get up the next day and go to work. So in my mind I was thinking I could stop at anytime, not so because I never delt with my pain. The pain kept growing through stress of Work, through loss of a friendship, through Children making wrong choices that landed them in Jail and left me taking care of two beautiful grandchildren for a short time. The pain of having your real father walk out of your life for a second time was to much to bear. I had nothing, so I thought. I poured it into more drinking. My family stood by and never really realized I was drinking so much, I started hiding it. I would keep the good stuff in my car and when the stress was to much would take off and drink, down by the water or in other favorite spot and than get myself home, don't ask me how but I did. This became a big habit for me. So I had a friend through Physical theaphy invite me to visit her church, it wasn't your typical church so I thought why not, what have I got to lose. I stayed going to that church for almost a year, I believe it was where God wanted me for that point in my life, because the rest of the story get good from here.... I than began to have the desire to get my life cleaned up, I went to the pastor with my husband and we talked about my drinking, I remember being affended by the term "Alcoholic" but that was what I was called, I agreed that I needed to stop drinking, it was hard, I was still buying it and drinking. I felt I couldn't stop, So I was set up with someone in the Church who went to AA groups, I tried that but sometimes it made me want to drink even more...so I stopped going. I was still searching for a way to deal with my drinking, so I decided that maybe I needed Counseling, I needed a good Christian Women Counselor, so I asked my pastors wife, she gave me a name. I set up the appointment with her, went in thinking this is going to fail too that everything I tried was failing. I remember walking in her office and telling her I didn't have a problem, I really didn't trust her, I sat in the furthest seat I could find from her, but this is where the Lord did his preperation work in me. I started trusting her and she was listening to the Lord, she took me under her wing and really reached out to me. She began to send me verses through texting, I began to really feel a since of desire to lean on these verses, they were perfect for what I was going through(only the Lord Would have known that), so than I started getting into the word and sending her verses back, this is how the Lord works, I began to have a desire to live for him, to clean up ,my life, but I was still failing. I continue on this road of recovering from my pain and slowly growing in the Lord. I than asked her what church she went to I wanted to be fed the way she was, she told me ,I visited and have never left, the Lord has been working in my life through her, through a pastor who I have grown to trust, he was the one that told me about settingin captives free, I got on one night and than just started the course from there. I use to brag about how many days I was sober, but it really wasn't until April 27 the I ever had anything to brag about. That was when the Lord broke me, that was the turning point in my life, for the first time in 46 years was I able to see and feel the Lord put his arms around me and welcome me home, I remember that it finally made since, that I had been doing this all on my own power, that I never had ever asked the Lord to do it, I would say the word, but never really SAY AND BELIEVE the word. This course has changed my life for the better. The Lord helped me get through even the things I didn't understand. I know now that by looking back on my life God was there I was in the dark and couldn't see him.
So friends and people that are thinking about this course, no matter what road you traveled, there is a way back, you can have a great relationship with the Lord, he has placed you right where you are at this time in your life for his plan and purpose. He will use you. I am excited to see how God is going to use me, All I want to do is live my best for him everyday, he has blessed me, one with a new husband and because of my desire to grow in the Lord he has been going to church and growing and oh my friend the PT person, she and her family now go to church with me. So you see it all starts out with a little verse and a brokenness to God, he can mend and move you....Bless everyone who reads this. Just know by chosing to do this course you will be blessed...trust!