New Wine Testimony: Jackie

Joann Fernez is my wonderful sister in Christ who has been my mentor. God definitely put her in my path. I have always had a passion for God, and even wanted to be a nun at one point in my life. I grew up with a dad who drank each evening prior to supper, but I never thought too much about it. Although I know he loved us, he was very moody, and my three sisters and I feared him. I also had to deal with losing my mother at age 18. She was my rock and my best friend, and her death devastated me. I discovered in my teenage years that alcohol could numb my pain. I also have struggled with eating issues (anorexia and gluttony) my entire life. I met a wonderful man 13 years ago and we have been married for 11. We have two great kids together. He introduced me to a spectacular church where God's Word rules!!! It is filled with love and fellowship, and was the start for my seeing the light. But even with this, I still used alcohol and food to get me through life. I was in the daily habit of having drinks before supper. I never thought it was a big deal until I realized that I relied on it. If I had a bad day, I would overindulge. At parties I needed it so I could be the life of the party. I realized my identity was an intoxicated person falling to earthy lusts. How unfair to my husband and children! The buzz from alcohol also made me forget how much my being overweight disgusted me; it made me forget my failures and guilt. But it only made me forget it until the next day when I would wake up to reality. My world was slowly falling apart. My evenings were spent in denial and in a buzz and my daytimes were spent in a fog from the consumption of alcohol the evening before. It was a cycle I thought I could never escape. God made me realize that the way I had been treating myself was NOT of Him, and I was at an all-time low. The pain and guilt of all of my years had grown to a point where it was out of control. I felt there was no way out. The alcohol could no longer numb the deep hurts inside my heart. Then God began to tug at my heart and I couldn't ignore it anymore. I participated in believer's baptism at our church on July 17th of 2005. The night before, I repented like I had never repented before. I confessed, prayed, cried and sang; I was broken - broken beyond broken, to say the least. It was the most intimate experience I have ever had with God. It was just Him and me. The day of my baptism, I promised God I would never drink, EVER again. I asked Him into my heart and to control my life. I told Him I wanted to live my life by His ways. My walk to Him had turned into my run to Him. I wanted to be NEW. When I came up from the water I was cleansed. I will never be able to describe how I felt. The new me! Forgiven! A fresh start, a chance to do things right this time. It was a few days later that I discovered Setting Captives Free and began the course. Nothing could have prepared me for how wonderful this was. I know now that God led me right to the tool I needed to help me once and for all. It was the key I needed to complete my journey of being free from alcohol. Looking back at my life, I realized the people he had put in my path throughout my life. He was ALWAYS there for me and I just didn't see it. I should have turned to him in the beginning, not as a last resort. I will use my past to help others. I want to help people feel the joy and hope that I have found in Christ. I am a servant of God, and I want Him to use me. He has a purpose for me and I will walk through the doors he opens for me. I never would have thought it was possible, but I am a new and different person. I am excited to live in God's word and share it with others. Praise His Holy Name. I am so blessed and I thank God for EVERYONE he has put in my path and Setting Captives Free. I plan to do the Lord's Table next. Love to All, Jackie