A United Front Testimony: Amy

The first lesson made me cry so hard, as so much pain flowed out of my heart along with bitterness (I did not recognize it as bitterness at the time) against my husband because of the misery we went through, due to his sin. This course had stirred up my heart. At the beginning of the course, I was at the point where I did not really desire intimacy with my husband. This was not purposeful, but a natural consequence of years of sin and feeling totally inadequate. There were many times I feared his arrival home, wondering what mood he was going to be in and how I was going to appease it. I prayed and prayed with bitter tears pleading with God for change. I would bury the pain, which would result in it resurfacing at various other times, thus the cycle would go on. As I was praying for years over the situation with my husband, God did not seem to hear. I would try not to think about how far our relationship strayed from the biblical standard. I was bitter against my husband because of the lost years, and the fact that our children were getting older and growing up in an unpleasant atmosphere, oftentimes. Many of my aspirations for my family at the time were almost gone. I had pictured a home of laughter, joy, and service to God, but we were miserable often and practically turning into hermits as a family, except for Sundays. The day that I did my first lesson, I had everything neatly buried in my heart. Then the tears and pain surfaced once again. When my husband saw that this course was causing the pain to resurface, he was greatly concerned that it was going to stir things up in me that might not be good for our relationship. He was already involved in the Way of Purity course and greatly benefiting from it. He had encouraged me to do the United Front course to come along side of him in his battle against sin. The course not only brought the pain to the surface for me, but helped me deal with it. It is like a wound (my heart’s sorrow and bitterness) being gangrene and God cutting it open, cleaning it out and sewing it back up so that it can heal properly. It was NOT a fun process. I now have no sorrow though! The "surgery" was a success. The past still aches once in awhile when I think about it, because it seems like we lost so much time, but God reminds me that we gained so much more through the situation. He CAN "restore the years that the locusts have eaten" and the fact that He is sovereign and good, and just and holy are enough for me to grasp onto for dear life. He has proven Himself by already making incredible changes in my husband who has been free from the sin of ography for seven months, (doesnt even crave it), in me by giving me the ability to forgive and deeply love again, desiring intimacy, continuing to grow in me a deeper desire to be holy, and causing our marriage to become sweeter. God does change people, ladies. I know that it is hard for all of you to grasp who are in the starting process of this course, but God is a God of change and grace and mercy. James 1:2 says, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." God really is awesome!!! He is actively growing us to become more like Him! I have a strong desire now to fear God and serve Him diligently. I am more content with where God has placed me in life and realize that the fear of man has been my driving force for years. It has been the reason for much of my anger, frustration, and the neglect of my body’s need for rest, and proper diet for years. It is amazing what fear can do. I always knew that I struggled with the fear of man, but I had no idea of how great a hold on my life it controlled. I thank Martha Peace’s book for showing me that. I now love to be close to my husband and hear him talk. It is like when we were dating all over again. I long for my husband to come home at the end of the day, instead of fearing his mood. I enjoy being with him and our children notice that things are different in the home. God is working in their lives, as well, showing them their sins. Because of the ministry of SCF we would really like to go through the mentoring classes and hop on board with SCF. We want to help others the way they have helped us. I would like to say that we have perfected our walk with God, but we still have many things that we are working through. Now that my husband is on his way to maturing in Christ, God is turning to me more and showing me the overwhelming amount of sin in my life that needs to be dealt with. My mentor, Bonnie, has been a wonderful and convicting source through all of this. I did not always hear what I wanted to, but it did challenge me. I appreciate her constant prayers and encouragement. The ministry of SCF is growing, not because of anything that they are doing, but because of what God is doing through them. They fear the Lord (Proverbs 8:13) and Proverbs 31:30b-31a says that "a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the fruit of her hands." Thank You, SCF, for your faithfulness and obedience to God’s Word. May God continue to give you the fruit of your hands as you continue to fear and serve Him.