Way of Purity Testimony: Timothy

My mentors name is David Lyons

For the great majority of my life I struggled with sexual sin in various ways. At the age of around 11 or 12 I began a long relationship with pornography, first seen on television and later in magazines. The internet became common in my early teen years and I quickly learned how easy it was to satisfy a seemingly unquenchable lust for sex anytime I wanted. It was in these early teen years that an evil curiosity gave birth to regular and habitual gratifying of the flesh. The regular viewing of pornographic material and gratifying the flesh was a mainstay of my life but this was never public knowlege. It was my sin, my secret sin. I hated it, but I loved it. I wanted to get away, but then again I didn't. No one knew and I meant to keep it that way. I was filled with guilt and burdened with trying to find a way to get myself out of these ways. Marriage by no means removed my sin or the desire for it. After all these years I had gotten to the point of acceptance. Like a slave I accepted my station, my place, stuck and beyond hope. There were times I would beg God to remove my sin from me, to get me out of this habitual and ongoing offense. Yet I continued on. Finally, I slipped up in covering my tracks one day and I was found out. Thereafter, my wife caught me searching for pornography several times. I was hard hearted and it took time for me to see the hurt I was doing to her, to myself and potentially to others that I love. The last draw came in June of 2010. After many promises broken, I was finally broken. I finally felt the awfulness of my sin and also the disgrace I was bringing to the Saviour I commonly claimed. The words of a pastor and friend continued to resonate in my mind, an encouragement to go to Setting Captives Free and begin the course of study. I did so and within a week or so I had confessed to a couple of trusted friends. By the grace of God, through the study material and encouragement received from Setting Captives Free, I began a new journey with regular seeking of Christ in His Word and through prayer, routine accountability and confession to my wife, and removal of my access to sin. Over the last couple of months I have felt new affections I never dreamed I could have--desire and satisfaction in a Saviour whose life and work I stand upon and am kept by, love and enjoyment of my wife as I had not previously experienced and the tremendous blessing known in routine confession and honesty with brothers in Christ. I am thankful, eternally, for the brokeness, repentance and salvation I have known.