Way of Purity Testimony: Elaina Dawn

My mentor is Pat Gause-God really blessed me through her! At age 12 ½, on a beach vacation, I met a boy who introduced me to kissing. When I returned home from vacation, curiosity knocked at my door and that one day led to 24 years of self-gratification. I was raised in a Christian family and was saved during 4th grade. Church was my life; it's all I ever knew. I didn't want to be exposed so, for the next 24 years, I did EVERYTHING POSSIBLE to make SURE that NEVER happened, but was dying in silence. After 3 failed attempts (my fault totally), to go through the "Way of Purity" Course through SettingCaptivesFree.com, I decided to just go ahead and delve into the homepages of pornography. As a result, my personality changed, my temptations were horrifying, and I eventually didn't know who I was becoming or had already become. I even began lusting and cussing, something I wasn't accustomed to doing. After trying, once again, to stop self-gratification, I ended up binging for two weeks, and finally said "This has GOT to stop!" I re-enrolled for the 4th time, desperate to be free. I made up my mind that no matter how late it was, I would be committed to doing the lesson work for the day/night. I'd been exhausted from sin; I could be exhausted from this. This time, with God's strength, I agreed to humble and submit myself to whatever my mentor suggested, including giving up TV/movies for the 60 days. I used the battle plan my mentor recommended. I prayed for an accountability partner per the course and mentor recommendations. I finally agreed to total AMPUTATION including, amputating my "right to privacy." I began reporting ahead of time whenever I was going to be using a certain computer that didn't have a filter on it, etc… I learned not to argue, but to submit to authority, to learn from them. DAILY QUALITY PRAYER and DAILY QUALITY BIBLE READING are a MUST! I began praying for godly sorrowful repentance, a contrite heart and mind, humbleness, for God's gifts of mercy and grace to be given to me, and for a submissive heart to God, the course, my mentor, and my accountability partner(s). God has answered so many prayers, revealed so many things, and has broken the addictions of sexual bondages-it is to His glory that He has set me free, and not anything I could have done on my own. I had given up hope of EVER being free, totally free, from self-gratification but God, in His wisdom, mercy and grace, allowed me to be turned over, as Scripture says, "to a reprobate mind" and, once I discovered that I could NEVER do anything on my own, or in my own strength to be totally free FOREVER, I finally came to the end of myself…tired of fighting, tired of hiding, tired of sinning, tired of myself, tired of my life and what I had become on my own and because of my 24 years of secret sin. When I was finally all spent, and I laid my pride down, CONFESSED my sin to a fellow believer in Christ (originally my pastor and his wife together and, this time, my accountability partner and her husband) God really began to bring me out of the chains and web of sexual sin darkness. l admonish you in our LORD Jesus Christ, to make Him your LORD, not just your Savior, and do WHATEVER He demands of you to be free-WHATEVER it takes to be free. Please lay down your pride (I NEVER thought I'd EVER do that)! Pride allows you to just go deeper in sin than you ever thought possible, and pornography will definitely take you farther than you thought you would ever go. Once that door is opened, even a little bit, you won't even know yourself anymore. Please don't do what I did--refusing to submit, or be lax on doing your daily course work, or refusing to spend QUALITY DAILY prayer and Bible reading FIRST THING in the morning. God knows what He's doing and He already has a plan for us to be SET FREE. We just need to be willing to humble ourselves, no matter HOW embarrassing, and turn to Him, literally BEG HIM for His sorrowful repentance and mercy and grace, When you get desperate, and sick of yourself and your sin, you will be willing to literally BEG GOD, and submit yourself to whatever is required to be free and, eventually, your chains of sexual bondages are broken by Him-His Son, Jesus Christ, smiles and embraces us with love and open arms, saying: "This is why I hung on that cross. Come here, let me give you a hug…I love you, you know?" To God, be ALL the glory and honor and Praise! And to SettingCaptivesFree.com, my mentor, and my accountability partners-"Thank You, for being the vessels God chose to use, and being willing to serve Him in this capacity-it is the difference between bondage and freedom, and death and life, to me through Jesus Christ Our LORD. Thank You for taking the time, praying, and giving me the cold, hard truth when I needed it. God's blessings to you and to your families." And to the course members, may God bless you, as each of you lay down your pride. God will work in you!