How did I survive the constant beatings and other physical and emotional abuse from both parents in my early years? Was God there? What about the sexual abuse by a high school kid when I was only ten years old? I was desperate to the point of running away from home when I was thirteen, only to be brought back to the hell in which I was living. Where was God? Oh, how I just wanted to be accepted and really loved, especially by a man. And, for 58 years, I sought earnestly for someone, anyone to show me the father love I hungered for so deeply. I got hooked on sex with men, thinking that, by pleasing them, surely I would find some degree of acceptance and love. It wasn’t much, but surely it was better than nothing - or was it? As a result of my personal compromises and desperado, I landed in jail about five times for sexual misconduct and drug use. It got to the point that I gave up and tried to take my own life, only to fail miserably. And yet, even then, though I didn’t know it, God was there preserving me - but for what, more torture? How could He possibly care for me? I was wild and very, very angry with Him and the world. I accepted Jesus into my life while I was in jail...a captive behind 13 bars of steel in solitary confinement, thinking I had finally found the answer to my deepest longings and the finish to my homosexuality, I set out with great relief and enthusiasm, only to fall back into my deep mire of sin. Had God given up on me? Would I ever find that love I felt I had been cheated from as a young boy? In my deepest despair and homelessness, I concluded it was never to be, and I sincerely tried to take my life; again I failed. It was as if God were telling me that I had a deeper death to go through than suicide could ever offer me. Years went by, and my life kept spiraling downward into what felt like a black hole. Despite my hardest efforts, I could not overcome my own sinful desires for men.

Then, by the grace of God that had preserved me through all of that, I was directed to Setting Captives Free. I signed up for the course called Door of Hope. I was given a mentor name Rusty, and I committed myself to the course. Immediately, by the grace of God, I was given the power to let go completely of my old life, something I had never been able to do before. The course took me from where I was, along a path of total honesty and baby steps to trust again...but not in men. Rather, I now trusted Jesus Christ to do for me what I could never do on my own. In fact, I can say with full assurance and confidence that, by the grace, mercy and deep, deep love of God through Jesus Christ, that I, (my old sinful self) have been crucified with Christ! I am learning how to feed on the Living Water of Christ Jesus that really satisfies my soul!

I have a new life now...something I didn’t have 60 days ago. I never knew such deep love could exist, much less for me. But the love of God is real and is demonstrated on a personal level through the staff, the course, and the mentoring at Setting Captives Free and Door of Hope! To be brought from such a dark place where I wanted to die or to be somebody else and, instead, to rejoice in who I am in Christ Jesus is a tribute to the devotion and hard work of this staff and, even more, to the very real and alive grace of God through the Living Water...our blessed Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ! When the Son shall set you free, He will set you free indeed.... Hallelujah! I know personally it’s true! I think I’ll do a little jig!

Michael Gregory