Article on Homosexuality—Why Am I Like This?

I copied this from "The Message" because it is so plain...

Or, as J.B. Phillips translated it:

As we go along, today, remember - God's word is what we're supposed to listen to and learn from, and not from the other guys.

We all came to Setting Captives Free for help, right? Let's hope that we all came to learn. Sometimes learning means that we first must un-learn some faulty thinking.

This is going to sound a great deal like Dave Ramsey, but we really have an uphill battle today, to get our message across. That's because this message is perpendicular to our culture. We have to completely crush a cultural paradigm to even be heard.

Here's the thing. We've been believing a myth. If you spread a myth long enough, often enough and loud enough, it becomes accepted as the truth. It's on TV, isn't it? It's on the mouths of characters in movies, isn't it? It's in the textbooks, isn't it? He has a PhD, doesn't he? Therefore it must be true.

But today, we're going to talk about a new way of looking at things... learning something new - something that everyone knew years ago, but changed and warped by our culture.

O.K., you are in what day of Door of Hope?

When we come to this point in our lives, there are some things that we need to get straight in our minds. We often ask these two questions:

1. Why am I like this?


2. What is it that I need?

Instead of asking our culture - To find the answers, let's look at the testimonies of some of our students and some of our graduates from Door of Hope. After reading these, you may very well be able to determine who is really free and who is not.

First a few who came to the course with the "answers" prepared....

One man suggests the need for healing...

For the Door of Hope course, it might be beneficial to include more on finding healing and helping understand why, because many men struggling with homosexuality are probably wondering, "Why me?" Not that we want to dwell on the past or look back to find healing (as you taught, we press forward to the freedom and victory Christ has given us!), but providing resources within the course or directing participants to a trusted resource might help bring further healing.

Another is being held down by pain, stress and negativity...

Pray for my relationship with my wife. In the past week or so I've realized that we've been through so much pain, stress, negativity that I feel cheated out of our marriage. Moving to Maryland in 2006 changed our lives drastically and unwanted. The limited time I have at home to enjoy my new bride has been frustrating.

Doubtless he does have troubles. But his discernment of the cause may be faulty. Couldn't living in sin mess up our lives and our marriages, give us poor judgment, and more? That would match more closely with what God's word says about our troubles, wouldn't it? Remember what happened to David after his sin with Bathsheeba?

Here is one who brushes aside the usual "causes" and comes up with yet another "reason" for his sin...

I was brought up in a loving Christian home and had a good relationship with my Dad. I was never molested as a young child, nor was I "introduced" to pornography by my friends. Homosexuality became a stronghold in my life purely because of the choices I made. If there was any reason at all for my falling into the sin of homosexuality it was because of my unwillingness to accept my physical size. I was always small for my age and unskilled in athletics. It didn't bother me too much was I was younger, but when I became a teenager I began to look at other guys with envy. The envy turned into covetousness, and the covetousness turned into lust.

He was too small? Wouldn't he have been more honest to stop with:

Homosexuality became a stronghold in my life purely because of the choices I made.

Yet another man echoes what the world has taught him to believe about his situation.....

My dad was extremely busy at work during my early years. This left me with a longing for male intimacy and affirmation. When a cousin introduced me to self-gratification and homosexual pornography I almost immediately became addicted to the escape that it provided from my longing for affection.

Do you see how he has been led down the garden path by post-modern thought? Do you "get it" that we think we need someone or some thing to blame? The Post-Modern part: Since we are all born essentially good, then there has to be something outside of ourselves that is the cause of our evil behavior. The fallacy? = "man is essentially good"

A student with still another slant on how to analyze his sin...

After the divorce of my parents, I was separated from my mother and constantly retaliated against my father for this. I was raised with my grandmother and my father after the divorce and it really felt at the time that my life was falling apart. Early in my teens, I was befriended by a man whom gave me the affection I longed for, because I was distant from my own father.

Another man is "in the healing process"

I am currently in the healing process. However, I also have realized there is alot of pain going through the healing process. At certain points, it seems like this process is more painful than being set free because there at so many parts of your psyche that has to be healed, addressed, etc. It is so painful, but I have to move through this process.

Is there something about this sin that makes it a disease? Have we been hurt and thereby condemned to bad behavior? If so, by whom? Isn't that just like us humans - to find something that makes us less guilty? "I've been hurt." "I have a disease." Doesn't that sound like we're in a 12-step-group?

And now for some different responses

God clensed me(my soul and my body) from sexual impurity and I started to walk in victory over sexual sins by the grace of God.

I had always prayed but was never really honest in my prayers because I wanted to hold on to the sin. I had blamed my absent father for my sins. I had blamed the individual who had molested me before I was 10 years old. I had blamed everyone but myself and the enemy. I had become a prisoner to my sin. I was a slave to my flesh and I was living to satisfy it and it alone. Even after I accepted Christ as my saviour, I continued to live in sin. I hadn't accepted him as my Lord because I didn't want to give up those feelings and desires. I got married, had kids and tried to use willpower to fight the feelings and the urges to physically be with another man but I was still involved in chat lines, and self-gratification.

Do you see how he recognizes where to put the responsibility? That is a huge step toward freedom!

Here is another... his story begins...

My mom and dad separated when I was two, and although my dad had weekend visitation, I didn't have a strong male role model until she married my step-dad when I was five. However, we didn't have matching personalities and never grew very close, so I often related to my mother instead. Through my childhood years, I distinctly remember feeling I was different than other boys when I satisfied my overly curious self with the line, "Show me yours, and I'll show you mine." I knew that just wasn't what other boys were doing. Eventually, this turned to experimentation with a friend around age nine and continued into my teenage years. I never put a name to what I was feeling until I finally identified as bisexual with strong gay tendencies at age 12.

But later, he says...

I stand firm in God's promises and the continual work of His Spirit, that the power of homosexual sin is rapidly diminishing in my life. For the first time, I can finally see the rest of my life approaching, starting with the day where my past and former sin will no longer be a stumbling block for me.

Do you see the change? This is not healing - it is the result of a man first realizing he is living a sinful life, turning away from it, and turning to Christ for deliverance from that sin. That is the definition of true repentance.

Another man...

My second marriage began to suffer. I remember one night I completely broke down before God, begging Him to rescue me from the mess I was in. I could not do it myself. He heard me and set me on a new path. Setting Captives Free was mentioned in a men's Bible study I was attending. I went to the web site and began Door of Hope. God sent me to this course, and the change began immediately. I have been free of homosexual activity and self-gratification since I started. I am amazed at how free I am, and I thank God every day and ask Him to keep me free. I am still tempted, but God has given me the strength to resist. My marriage today is much improved. Praise God for the redeeming work He has done in my life!

What a story of victory over sin!

Another story of "I confess - I did it myself" and then victory!

When I first came to Setting Captives free I was addicted to self gratification and pornography problems and homosexual desires. I kept running back to these sins thinking they would make me happy but they only left me feeling empty and confused. I found Setting Captives Free and the Lord has worked through it in tremendous ways in my life. I am a changed person I am now free from the sins that entrapped me before Setting Captives Free.

That man did not write a long or detailed testimony. But do you see how he recognized the problem? (he has not psycho-analyzed himself into making excuses for his sin)

Now hear this next student and see how he takes the responsibility and recognizes who was really hurt...

Over a year ago my wife confronted me about immoral homosexual images she found on my computer. The confusion and betrayal she felt was beyond anything you can imagine. She had been shocked and sickened by what she saw, the hurt I caused her was more painful than anything she has ever faced. She told me that felt that she did not know me and in that moment I realized that I had denied my actions not only to her, but to myself and to God. What I had initially thought as harmless self gratification had seized me and over years had taken me down a path to something so dark and sinful and in such conflict with everything I believed and cared about that I had blocked it from my conscious thoughts. God has spoke to his children throughout history using prophets, preachers and even donkeys. In my case God chose to use the person in the world closest to me, my wife. Until then I had thought I was a good christian husband and father, but in reality that I had fallen so short. I began to see that though I had tried to contained these thoughts in a small corner of my mind, they had seeped out and caused shame, guilt and fear to direct my actions and my relationships.

Did you hear any excuses in that?

And this...

7. Please describe what changes have taken place in your heart and life since starting this course:
I have experienced true repentance and sorrow for my sin. I have found in god's word his provision and instruction on how to overcome the enemy. I have been directed to focus my life on him and bringing glory to him.

8. Was there any specific thing that bothered you about the course as you went through it?
For me the one thing that bothered me about the course was having to face and confront my sin. I at times became so focused on my sin that I could not think of anything else. It was not that the study does that, I think in my case once the denial I was living with was removed I was overwhelmed by my own actions.

Even though that man had trouble with being confronted by his sin, he admits that is exactly what he needed.

Read on as another man discovers who got him into this mess, and who was wounded...

As long as I can remember, I have been stuck in the habitual sin of lust and self gratification. Because of this sin, I was separated from God and His love and forgiveness. I knew all along that what I needed was Christ, but I could not let myself be forgiven and I was afraid to give my life to Christ for fear of being "found out." That all changed the day my wife found me out. I thought my life was over. In my desparartion, I went online to find something to "fix me." I signed up for several things, one of them being Setting Captives Free. I completed my first lesson and sent it in. My mentor responded in love and understanding and for the first time in my life I felt like I wasn't alone. He guided me through salvation (I would have told you that I was a follower of Christ) and helped me to accept the forgiveness that Christ had to offer. Once I allowed myself to be forgiven, I was free. John 8:36. "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." These words of Jesus still ring so true to me.

And toward the end of his testimony...

I am now forgiven. He has made me clean. It is like one big "do-over". The sense of guilt and shame and feeling dirty and filthy is no longer. I can be free of the lies of satan, free of the bondage of habitual sin and self gratification. God has restored my family, my marriage (better than ever now that Christ is the center of my life) and my sense of self worth. I KNOW that he loves me. I KNOW that he forgives me. I know that he has a plan for my life.

Not healed, but forgiven. Not cured, but delivered. Not mended, but restored.

Watch how this next man admits all and finds the answer in Christ alone...

Truly, the path of unrighteousness I often gave in to became darker and more overpowering. I spent years hoping that the Lord would answer my cry for deliverance and "zap" me free from all homosexual desires. My other strategy was to exercise extreme self-will and walk clean long enough for the desires to "go away". Needless to say, the Lord didn't "zap" me and the desires never just "went away." My turning point came when, by the grace of God, I began to realize that my failures in homosexual sin (porn) was not going to just go away. I needed help! Thank God for Setting Captives Free! In my desperation the Lord led me to Setting Captives Free where I found Christ-centered Bible studies, accountability, and encouragement. I enrolled and approached each lesson with an earnest desire to receive all that Jesus could give me through it. It was not long before I actually began to have hope that I could and would enjoy true freedom in Christ. I found each lesson contained Biblical truth that had the power to set me free if I took it seriously and applied it to my life. I encourage you to take your sin seriously and take this course seriously. Your sin has the power to destroy you completely, but there is hope. Jesus can and will use this course to lead you to true freedom! Embrace Jesus, He is your hope, take His Word seriously, receive His grace, and TAKE THIS COURSE! I rejoice to say that I am enjoying 60+ days of purity from all sexual sin (homosexual porn and fantasy). And I am confident that the best is yet to come as I continue to walk with Jesus upon the "highway of holiness."

Here is one who begins all wrong, but learns, during the course, from scriptural teaching and wise, biblical counsel. Watch how his testimony begins; very like many others, with all the "reasons".....

Ever since I can remember i've always felt different than the other boys. When I was only a toddler I was molested by an older boy in my apartment complex. I was first exposed to pornography in the 2nd grade. I believe the molestation and pornography began a chain of sin in my life. I began to experiment with other boys and watch pornography in magazines. As soon as I had access to the internet I began to indulge in pornography. I would sometimes sit for 6 hours watching homosexual pornography. By 6th grade I was engaged in homosexual behavior with my neighbor til my junior year in high school. Seeking to find something more than just sex, I began a quest to find love from another man. I became involved in a homosexual relationship for 4 years of my life. I exchanged engagement rings, participated in pro gay marriage campaings, and even moved out with my partner. 4 months after I moved out of my parents house I found out the man I was involved in homosexual sin with had cheated on me with various other men. I was crushed when he broke up with me. I was so broken and torn up inside. One of my coworkers outreached to me and told me that Jesus Loves me. He told me that Jesus would never hurt me. That same day I borrowed a bible and began to seek Christ. With his strength he pulled me out of that apartment/relationship. I gave my life to Christ and began to walk with him.

At this point, he discovers that, by choice, he is in sin - and it is not into something forced on him by others or by circumstances......

Soon after I commited my life to Christ the Holy Spirit began to convict me of my homosexual desires/thoughts/sin. I would attempt to be clean and leave my sin at the altar only to pick it up weeks later. I finally came to a point in my life where I clearly heard the word of GOD say to me: " If you love me, why do you continue to hurt me?" I've tried the door of hope ministry in the past, but failed to complete it.

Here is where he really gives up his love of self, or, as Christ might put it, "denies himself, takes up his cross and follows Jesus"

This third time I completely surrendered myself to GOD and asked Christ to please give me the opportunity to show him that I do love him, and that I am going to try to the point of death to walk in purity. It's been 60 days now, and I am free. Christ has set me free from pornography/homosexuality. I no longer desire to pursue a homosexual lifestyle. Temptation will come, BUT this time I am equipped with the word of GOD, and the lessons i've learned through this GOD given ministry. I now hope to be a light to those who still remain enslaved to the deadly sin of Homosexuality. I thank GOD that he has given me the desire, and tools necessary to represent him. I can now be a testimony that GOD does deliver from homosexuality.

So now the answers are plain -

1. Why am I like this? I did it to myself through my decision to live immorally.


2. What do I need? I need deliverance from my sin through the sacrificial blood of Jesus.

Student - if you truly want freedom, then like me and so many others, I urge you to recognize your culpability, your responsibility, confess it, turn from your sin, turn to Christ and kneel before Him in absolute surrender. That is a huge step toward freedom!

The world (our culture) has repeatedly insisted that we look for blame in our childhood, to find a reason for our failures, to seek healing from the hurts that must have caused us to behave badly. All of this was started by an atheist named Freud, and it was expanded upon by several others, including Adler and Jung, neither of whom were Christians; and later by Bill Williams, a spiritualist, who co-founded AA. And we have been taught their tenets so long, so often and so loudly that many believe they are the gospel. And why not? You see - if we have a disease, then our sin is not nearly so bad, right? If we can place the blame on something outside of ourselves, that makes us feel better, right? The world teaches us that approach.

But scripture supports neither psychology nor 12-step theology. In fact, the Bible is opposed to those teachings - calling sin - sin. Scripture repeatedly warns against conforming to what the world thinks. It makes no difference how many people, after the fact and with their minds already made up, find some co-relation between the Beatitutudes and some of the 12 steps. It is still worldly wisdom at best. At best! The most appropriate description I ever heard of a 12 step group was given to me by a man who had left one in disgust. I asked him why he wasn't going to meetings any more. He said simply, "They just sit around, each week, smoking cigarettes and saying the same things they did last week."

And the other "gospel?" - It makes no difference how many highly-placed Christians have degrees in Psychology. It is still a competing religion - and cannot be integrated into Christ's Church without wounding and marring its ministry.

I urge you not to be taken in. Do not look for causes - recognize your sin for what it is.

Student - find your freedom from sin through Christ, who shed his blood for that purpose. Admit your faults and go forward with Him as your deliverer!

Do you see now why this was an uphill battle? The world wants us to believe we're not bad; it's not sin. It's not our fault. But now you know. The Bible, God's word, tells us so.

He bled and died so that we could be set free from our sin!

Student, hold that thought!