A United Front
Letters from Spouses
Blame Shifting
Dear Veronica,
As far as what your husband has said, it is not an uncommon thing. We all tend to blame shift whenever we sin and so naturally, your husband is going to do and say things to make you believe that if he sins then it is somehow your fault. "I have to sin because you are not pretty or smart." But don't buy into that lie; we can never blame another for our own sin.
On the other hand, as his wife, you must hear your husband and examine his words for any kernel of truth. I'm going to make a suggestion, which might be a bit difficult, but I think it might help. Go to your husband and nicely ask him how you could make yourself more appealing to him and also ask him how best to encourage him (what things could you say that won't sound lame). Do this and then listen to what he says without responding (this is often the hard part); you might even write it down. Then (if you feel comfortable) come back and tell me what he says.
If he cannot think of anything then ask him to think about it and get back to you. For future reference, this is always a good thing to do when your husband complains about you--ask him how you could do it better or in a way that would please him and then as long as it isn't sinning then try to do it his way.
Veronica, I was one month postpartum with Joshua when Mike and I went through this whole process so I can relate to your new baby/husband coming out of sin difficulties. It is difficult; I am praying for you.
Let me know if you have any questions.
grace and love,
Jody
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