A United Front
Letters from Spouses
Whatever it Takes
Dear Barbara,
It is my personal opinion that you are not out of line to read any email that your husband sends, even to his mentor. As husband and wife the goal is to have open communication...everything out in the open and up on the table.
A way to help your husband be more open about his struggles with you is to always have a loving and forgiving and helpful attitude when he approaches you with them. If he comes and tells you that he would like you to stay home with him instead of going to camp because he doesn't want to fall into sin then you must be prepared in heart and mind and voice to say, "yes, I want to do whatever is going to help you be pure." Think of it in terms of an illness. If your husband had cancer you would do all that you could do to see him return to health; well, sexual impurity is like a cancer of the soul. Our husbands need us a lot and after all God created us for them according to 1 Cor 11:9.
As far as the camp thing is concerned, I would just come right out and ask him how he is feeling about it. Something like, "Hey, I was wondering how you feel about the fact that I am going to be gone for a whole week at camp? Are you going to be okay?" You might even need to ask how he is planning to remain pure while you are gone. If he typically struggles with the Internet then he might need you to disable the computer for that week while you are gone. Does this make sense?
As I indicated above it is extremely hard for men to break free from the enslaving power of sexual impurity. Imagine doing something nearly every day of your life for years and then suddenly trying to stop cold turkey...it is hard! It is similar to quitting smoking or drinking.
I would encourage you to talk with your husband about the trust issues. It is normal to not trust him because he has a history of breaking trust and sinning against you, but the trust can be restored. Talk with him about ways that this can be done. If you tell me in what areas your husband struggles the most then I can brainstorm with you about ways that he can build trust with you. At this point in the course, he should be agreeable to anything that is going to help him remain pure. Let me know as able. We are praying for you both.
grace and love to you,
Jody
Your Excellent Wife book will go out this week.
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