A United Front
Letters from Spouses
Confronting in Love
Dear Tammy,
I grieves me to say this but I have to......you are sinning. You sound very bitter and angry and unloving. I beg of you to stop and hear the Word of the Lord.
You talk about how Larry is mocking God's Word by saying it sounds cheezy when you read it to him; well, Tammy, you are mocking God's Word with your actions. You wanted your husband to desire you and then you judged his heart and motives when he told you that he did desire you. You wanted him to be physically intimate with you and then went off on him when he came to you for sex. These are irrational and sinful behaviors.
I do understand your frustration and your pain over the past and the hurtful things that Larry has said to you but your response is not one that honors God. We are not to tell our husbands off or "lay it on the line" at any time. We are not to deny them sex or to make them so miserable and guilt ridden that they no longer desire us. We are not to dwell on the past sins that our husbands have committed against us or become embittered by those past wrongs. We are to forgive, love and to find our soul's rest in Christ. We were created for our husbands and we are to be their helpmeets. You are trying to take revenge and to punish your husband for his sins against you. You cannot do this as it is God's job. "Vengeance is mine says the Lord." Trust me, God does a much better job than you can.
Just because you aren't quiet by nature doesn't mean that you cannot be quiet. You just need to learn how to do it. I was not a quiet person by nature either but I am learning. Scripture tells us in general to "Study to be quiet..." (1 Thes 4: 11) and then more specifically to wives in 1 Peter 3 we are instructed: "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear." You think about this passage, Tammy. It would seem that you are very externally focused right now and not minding your inner woman. Don't you want to be a holy woman whose hope is in the Lord? If you do then you must obey God's Word--gentleness, quietness, and submission are what God finds to be beautiful and of worth in women.
With respect to separating from your husband...again, I tell you this would be sinful. 1 Cor 7 is very clear that we are not to separate except by mutual consent, for a time and then only for the purpose of prayer and seeking the Lord.
Tammy, your husband is seeking purity; now you have got to cut the man some slack. Let Mike wrestle with Larry and you take some time to work on Tammy. Go to the Lord and pour out your heart to Him. Ask God for forgiveness for your sinful attitudes and actions and then humbly seek the forgiveness of your husband for you have sinned against him too. If you will do this then God will honor your obedience.
I am praying for you.
Jody
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