A United Front
Letters from Spouses
Not alone
Dear Sandi,
I received a copy of your responses to today's teaching, and I appreciated your candid and honest assessment of where you are, as well as the feedback you provided. Thank you. Obviously, I cannot know your situation entirely, but I do want to encourage you to press on and to continue to seek the Lord through this difficult time. I didn't have a mentor or anyone to talk to when my husband was coming into purity and I can still remember feeling so alone in my pain. Looking back, I believe that God put me in that place (a desert of sorts) so that I could cling only to Him. He wanted all the glory for my healing and wholeness, and I can tell you He gets it. It isn't that mentors aren't great and/or that a godly people can't help us, because they sure can but, rather, that if God doesn't send a person it doesn't mean that He doesn't care and/or that you aren't important. God treats each of us in the way that is best for us. Well, that was the long way of saying that God cares, I care and I'm sure that your mentor cares and is praying for you, even if she isn't able to respond daily. All the United Front mentors are unpaid volunteers who have a heart to comfort other women with the comfort they have received from the Scriptures; sometimes family obligations, other ministry obligations, sickness, etc., may keep us from responding daily, but it is never because of a lack of concern or care.
One other area in which I want to encourage you is in the area of mourning. I agree with you regarding the Scriptures, "There is a time to cry," etc. but anger, resentment and bitterness toward your husband is not mourning; it is sin. Don't misunderstand; I do understand the struggle having "been there and done that" in my past. But the Scriptures clearly state that we must get rid of all bitterness (Eph 4:31; Heb 12:15) and the only type of anger that is allowable is the kind where we don't sin in it (Eph 4:26).
I don't think there is any way to avoid pain in this life, Sandi. We sin against others and cause pain; they sin against us. It's a vicious cycle to be sure, but feeling our pain isn't the pathway to healing. The way to healing is through the cross of Christ. Christ endured all the wrath of God on the cross because of our sin (not just our husband's, but ours too). God has forgiven us so much and, in light of Calvary, it is a small thing for us to forgive those who offend us. This is not said to minimize your husband's sin but, rather, to empower you to be free from a prison of pain. You can be a victim if you want, but there is no comfort there; I urge you to cast your cares on Christ and ask Him to take your sorrows and give you a new song of joy. I'm not saying to pretend you don't have pain but, rather, that you can have a type of joy in the midst of it. If you pour out your heart to God (as you see in the Psalms repeatedly) then He will comfort you with His love and in so doing His love with flow from you to your husband and those around you.
I am truly sorry that your husband sinned against you in this way, Sandi, and I can empathize with you (as can all the United Front mentors) but I want you to have hope that Christ can heal your marriage and even more! My marriage was one big tragedy before Christ, but now my husband and I have a triumphant marriage and God has done and continues to amaze us with His grace. It isn't that the evil one never tempts us toward anger, bitterness, etc., but that we are both seeking the Lord and together we are able to thwart the evil one in his schemes to divide. I'm praying for you to this end, as well.
May God bless you richly as you continue to seek Him and love your husband, and I pray that you will receive this letter in the spirit in which it was sent, not in condemnation but in love.
Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance,
Jody Cleveland
www.settingcaptivesfree.com
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