A United Front
Letters from Spouses
Unbelieving Spouse
Dear Cheryl,
Jody here. I am Mike Cleveland's wife. I thought I would respond to you this time. My response is based on my understanding from your email that your spouse is not a believer.
I understand the heartache and anguish of knowing that your spouse is involved with pornography because my husband was involved with porn for many years. The major difference between our circumstances is that your spouse is not a Christian. This does not make this an impossible situation though; it only alters the approach. Scripture speaks specifically to women who have unbelieving spouses in 1 Peter 3:1-2, "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."
I want to be clear though that I do not believe that this passage teaches that we are to agree to having pornography in our homes. I would encourage you to make your home a safe haven to the degree that you are able. I would also be watchful of your husband's activities--money he spends, where he goes, what he views on the Internet. If he gets into anything illegal such as viewing child pornography or if he visits a prostitute then you need to report him to the authorities for breaking the civil law. Whenever you find pornography, throw it out as able.
Your friend's counsel to confront is correct according to Matthew 18 which refers to how to deal with a brother who sins against you. Your husband is enslaved to pornography and sadly he won't change just because his sin hurts you (I've not seen one do it yet). If your husband does not repent then he will have to bear the consequences. God can bring true and lasting repentance; we cannot.....no matter how many times we beg and plead. It is hard to wait on the Lord, but if we do then he renews us.
I will be in prayer for him and for you. By way of encouragement I would like to send you a book called The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace. She addresses the issue of dealing with an unbelieving husband in her book.
grace and love to you,
Jody
P.S. I will try to mail the book out this week. I hope it is helpful to you.
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