A United Front
Letters from Spouses
Religious Spouse in Pornography
Dear Susan,
My name is Jody; I am the wife of the founder of Setting Captives Free.
I understand the heartache and pain that comes when a spouse lives a double life such as you have described. My husband Mike was participating in porn and masturbation for 15 years. In those same years he obtained his degree from seminary and he was active in the church in the ministries of teaching and preaching. It is grievous to see such hypocrisy.
What to do? First, return to church. We cannot forsake the fellowship, for we need the body of Christ especially in times like these.
Second, lovingly confront your husband with recent evidence of his involvement with pornography and give him a biblical reproof using Matthew 5:28. (Every time a man views pornography he is committing heart adultery.) At this same time, you might want to tell your husband about The Way of Purity Course at www.settingcaptivesfree.com.
If your husband does not hear you then it is time to go to the next step of Matthew 18: 15-17. 15 "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16 But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector."
So, this would mean that you need to discuss your difficulty with someone like a pastor or elder or godly older woman in your church and ask them to come with you when you confront your husband again.
Susan, I realize this is not an easy thing to do. I had to do it myself, but to God's praise my husband repented and our marriage is better than restored and Setting Captives Free was born out of our experience. God has done great things; and I am praying that He will do this with your situation as well.
By way of encouragement, I would like to send to you a free book called "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace (www.marthapeace.com). If you will send your mailing address then I will mail you the book.
Before I go, Susan, let me encourage you to examine your own heart before the Lord. Pray as the Psalmist in Psalm 139, " Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." There is nothing sweeter than having a pure heart before the Lord. His strength will sustain you to the degree that you walk in His ways. I am praying for you to this end.
Let me know if you have any questions. We are here to help.
grace and love to you,
Jody
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