A United Front
Letters from Spouses
Step Back
Dear Shirley,
I apologize for the delay in my response. I have 4 month old twins, a 2 yr old and a 6 yr old and my 6 yr old had a wild week last week (I was at the pediatricians three days in a row with him). Anyway, life's been crazy and I fell behind. I am sorry.
I am rejoicing at your report of how God has worked in your heart. Amen to that. Also, Mike and I have been praying for you guys.
It sounds like you and Aaron are doing well to have already put into place the WeBlocker. You might also ask Aaron about having you disable the computer (remove the keyboard, mouse, or whatever necessary) whenever he is going to be alone at home or whenever you go to sleep at night. It could be that he got up in the night and accessed the porn or that he broke your password.
Another option is to change the settings on Internet Explorer. The instructions for doing this are as follows: You go into internet explorer, whether you are online or not. Click "Tools" then "Internet options". You then go to content. Under ratings, you will click "settings". You have the ability then to block or partially block 4 different categories of sites, sexual, nudity, violence, and something else.
Set all of the settings to the highest (or lowest) setting, meaning no allowable sites under each category. This way no matter what site you go to, it will ask you for a password, except the allowable ones you list. Then there is a tab for "allowable sites". You can enter the sites that you want to be able to access. If Alex agrees to these changes (and he should because at this point in the course he should understand being radical in order to obtain purity) then you will want to list www.settingcaptivesfree.com as an allowable site so that he can continue with his lessons.
Regarding the accountability issue, I think this probably varies from couple to couple. At this point, I would encourage you to take a couple of steps backward. This may sound a little strange to you, but I think you might get good results from it. At one point, I had to do this with Mike and it really helped him grow stronger. Sometimes we wives can be so zealous for our husband's freedom that we overwhelm them. If Aaron is pursuing purity (meaning that he is doing the course material and that he is active in seeking ways to be accountable to you or another godly man) then I would encourage you to be very quiet about the whole thing...be quiet in general.
Continue to be watchful, of course; and if you find that he has fallen into sin then lovingly confront but otherwise just watch and pray. God will bring it all about in His time.
One of the goals for your marriage at this point should be to have Aaron assume the role that he had probably abandoned and that is the one of spiritual leader in the home. In due time, Aaron will learn (if he isn't already) to wash you in the Word and to lead you in paths of righteousness as He follows Christ. Until Aaron begins to do this, I would encourage you to continue your own personal studies in the Word and to continue to be active in prayer for him. Be sure not to step into the role of spiritual leader yourself...Aaron needs to see an empty spot that needs to be filled.
Let me know if you have any questions or concerns.
grace to you,
Jody
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