A United Front
Should you be suspicious?
Well, the first signals of sexual sins are usually subtle. You may just have a sense that "something is different" about your spouse. But think through the following "symptoms" and see if any apply to your spouse:
- More distant and/or less attentive
- More preoccupied with job, home, or outside interests
- More attentive to clothes and accessories
- More focused on weight and appearance
- More absent from home with time unaccounted for
- Increased TV viewing (more than usual)
- More interested in trying new things sexually than before
- Less willing to talk or spend time together
- Less interested in family issues
- Less (or more) interested in sex than usual
- Less involved in shared activities
- Defensive or guarded in conversations
- Easily angered
- More critical of you than usual
Your spouse may have some of these indicators but that does not necessarily mean they are guilty; remember, do not judge a matter until you have all the facts! " He who answers before listening that is his folly and his shame." Proverbs 18:13
Now, if you still suspect that your spouse is involved with pornography or some other form of sexual impurity then the first thing to do is pray. Ask God for wisdom, discernment, a gracious spirit and a heart of love for your spouse. Remember, if your spouse is involved in sexual sin the idea is not to destroy them, but to help restore them!
The second thing to do is find out whether or not your suspicions are a reality. This may be as simple as checking the history on your computer, or it may be much more complicated.
If you suspect that your spouse has been involved with pornography, cybersex, or other types of online relationships then you will need to check the history on your computer to know for sure. On your browser there should be a button at the top of the page titled history; if you click on this button a screen will open which will show you the links to all the sites which have been viewed on your computer. You should be able to click on these links to actually view the site in question. You will also want to check the history of any chat programs that are on your computer such as ICQ or MIRC.
If you try to check the history on your computer and there is no history to be viewed then the history has probably been erased or the computer may be set not to save the history. At this point, I would recommend that you do a more in depth search on your computer if you are able. If, however, you are not very knowledgeable about computers then you might want to contact a trusted friend to come and check it out for you.
If you suspect your spouse of having an affair or of using pornographic materials (magazines, movies, pornographic phone calls) or of going to strip clubs then you might have to do a little more investigation. Check the phone bill, bank account and any credit card accounts that you have for charges that are out of the ordinary. If your spouse travels then check the hotel receipts for any inappropriate or excessive charges (these charges might be for in-room pornographic movies or phone sex calls). You can even call the hotel and request that a copy of the receipt be mailed to you (or faxed).
Dear friends, I know that thinking along these lines is painful; I've had to do it, and it hurts. But do not despair, there is hope, and we will be here to help you!
And remember, the goal is to restore your spouse and your marriage! Keep the heart of love for your spouse through this process; and focus on God's love for you and His grace in your life and not on the sins of your spouse.
|
